This study suggests that keeping contact with exes is quite popular, but whether or not it implies an issue with your relationships most almost certainly utilizes exactly why you keep in touch
The fresh new boffins also questioned people to rates how good each one of five some other intentions demonstrated the reasons for chatting with its ex boyfriend:
- The relationship along with your ex boyfriend is actually good and rewarding.
- Him or her is seen as a potential “backup” when your current matchmaking fails.
- Him or her has been part of the large gang of family unit members.
- You feel like you spent a lot of time and possess been through a lot with your ex.
Just how performed these types of purposes relate solely to the quality of participants’ most recent relationship? Those who maintained get in touch with while they were keeping the brand new ex boyfriend during the brain given that a backup tended to getting faster pleased with and committed to the newest spouse. As well, once they was chatting with an ex boyfriend for the reason that it people is actually still element of its social networking, they certainly were prone to settle for its newest relationship (possibly that have instance get in touch with ways an effective personal improvement, otherwise it is far more confident since it https://datingmentor.org/pl/dominicancupid-recenzja/ takes place without getting on purpose sought out). By and large, chatting with an ex while they remained a buddy or because they had invested a great deal from the relationship was not related so you can how participants believed regarding their most recent mate.
The solution is not a simple yes or no. You should look at your intentions to have attempting to manage contact. While you are using an ex since a back-up, exposure to the latest old boyfriend does undermine your existing relationships. Other research has shown that reminders of old boyfriend are able to keep you attached to that individual making they more difficult to help you mastered her or him. 4
However, do dangling onto your old boyfriend once the a backup harm your most recent dating, otherwise does an adverse matchmaking make you prone to hang on your ex because a backup? Longitudinal search implies it is some one another: Better hoping for an ex boyfriend try in the decrease within the satisfaction along with your current lover throughout the years, and decreases within the satisfaction over time is of develops inside the dreaming about an old boyfriend. 5 The newest authors associated with current search and additionally declare that for individuals who currently called an ex boyfriend which have copy aim ahead of conference your existing mate, you’ll be able to get into that the latest relationship shorter enough time from the beginning.
Will there be an explanation as jealous if the spouse are friendly which have an old boyfriend?
Comprehending that your existing lover remains touching a keen ex boyfriend certainly can create jealousy. In the age of Fb, we often determine if somebody is still touching exes. six If for example the companion are emailing an ex boyfriend, it will not necessarily echo improperly on your dating. If that ex boyfriend is simply section of their huge social network, it is probably be that they’re in fact fulfilled in their relationship along with you. Whenever these are generally still friends which have an ex or provides invested a lot of time in that dating prior to now, it generally does not necessarily get in touch with the way they experience you. Truly the only purpose having reaching an ex which was related having dilemmas in the current relationships is actually considering the latest old boyfriend while the a back up companion.
1 Kellas, J., Bean, D., Cunningham, C., & Cheng, K. Y. (2008). This new ex boyfriend-files: Trajectories, turning issues and you may changes from the growth of blog post-dissolutional relationship. Diary regarding Public and private Matchmaking, 25, 23–50.
2 Schneider, C. S., & Kenny, D. An effective. (2000). Cross-sex friends have been immediately following close people: Will they be platonic family unit members now? Log from Personal and personal Dating, 17, 451–466.